Serious Illness & Bereavement
I have supported many individuals and families over the last 30 years, who have been affected by illness and bereavement.
I worked as a Senior Macmillan Professional with children and families facing the loss of a loved family member, both pre & post-bereavement, and was also
Head of Counselling & Family Support at a hospice in Buckinghamshire.
I have provided training for counsellors & health professionals in the NHS and in hospices, and for practitioners working in social care, schools & counselling agencies, on the psychological impact of illness & bereavement, including additional training to support adults, children and families affected by the covid pandemic.
I supervise the work of practitioners in hospitals and hospices, involved in supporting those with cancer, other serious health conditions & bereavement.
In my private practice I continue to see individuals who have an illness, or who are impacted by the illness of a loved one.
I also support people who have been bereaved. Their loved ones may have died from illnesses such as cancer & heart disease, old age, suicide, accidents, or murder.
Whilst I no longer see children directly, I do advise parents on how they can prepare and support their children through these difficult situations.
If you are diagnosed with a serious illness, you are likely to feel a range of emotions. These may include:
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"This only happens to other people" |
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"How will this affect my family?"
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"Is this treatment going to work?"
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"So much information, what is the right thing to do?"
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"I can no longer do the things I used to do" |
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"I don't know who I am anymore"
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"I can't find pleasure in anything any more"
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These are just some of the sentiments that clients express when they are living with the diagnosis of a serious illness. There are too many variables to list them all here.
If someone you care about is diagnosed with a serious illness you too may be feeling similar emotions and experiencing changes to your day-to-day life.
You may also be:
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"Are they going to get better? Am I going to lose them?" |
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"I'm having to do so much more now"
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"What do I tell the children?"
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People often say they need to be strong and want to protect loved ones from knowing how they feel.
They describe experiencing a roller-coaster of emotions.
Many people recover from their illnesses. In some cases, they describe ‘falling apart’ once their treatment is over, and others find this hard to understand.
In some instances, people need to adjust to permanent changes to their lives.
Sadly, not everyone will survive their illnesses and they face dealing with end of life issues.
Grief can be overwhelming when someone you love has died. Even when you know that someone is going to die, it can still be a massive shock when that time comes.
We are all unique in the way we grieve and need to do so in our own way. Grief can affect us emotionally and physically too.
Feelings will fluctuate and can be wide ranging, including:
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"I can't believe I will never see them again" |
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"I feel like my heart is breaking in two!"
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"How will I cope without them?"
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"I can't be bothered anymore!"
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"How could they leave me?"
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"I'm glad they are not suffering any longer"
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"I can't keep burdening my friends."
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"I am no longer their carer/parent/partner."
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You may lose your appetite or over-eat, you may increase your drinking, have difficulty sleeping, sleep a lot, cry a great deal, or feel unable to shed tears.
You may experience headaches or other physical symptoms.
Perhaps you want to talk about the person who died and go over events time and time again, or you may not want to talk about them at all. There is no ‘normal’ way to grieve.
Sometimes others expect you to ‘get over it’ after a certain length of time.
My own experience of supporting people who have lost a loved one, suggests that it is more a case of finding a way to live with the loss rather then ‘getting over it’. It can be hard to imagine ever overcoming the rawness of grief when you first lose a loved one.
Each kind of loss brings its’ own sadness. There will be differences depending on who has died, your relationship with them and the circumstances of their death.
When a loved one has cancer or other life-limiting illnesses we may feel like we are losing parts of them as their condition worsens. Even when you know someone is going to die, it doesn’t stop it from being a shock when that time comes. Whilst you may have had an opportunity to say your goodbyes and all the things you wanted to, you may also have seen the person deteriorate and suffer.
If the death was unexpected the shock is likely to be enormous as you have not had an opportunity to prepare for it. The person may have died in traumatic circumstances.
It can be hard to make sense of why a loved one has taken their own life. You may feel angry, a sense of guilt or shame, and confusion as why the person did it. You may be traumatised from finding the person after they took their life. You may receive judgement from others, rather than receive sympathy.
In addition to the shock, you may feel traumatised by the violent nature of their death. You may feel angry, revengeful, or scared that you or your family are at risk. The death is likely to be in the public eye, and there will be police investigations and other formalities, that can make it hard for you to grieve privately.
When a loved one dies in an accident it can be hard to believe their death is real. You may be tormented with thoughts of what they went through and have lots of ‘if only…’ thoughts.
Sometimes people minimise the sense of sadness and loss you might feel when a parent or other elderly loved one dies. Whilst there may be a sense of relief if they suffered, you may also feel a range of other emotions too. Some of these will be dependent on the nature of the relationship you had with them.
Baby Loss & Death of a Child
Losing a baby during pregnancy, soon after birth, or having a stillbirth, is devastating for parents. The intense pain of losing a child at any age is traumatic and hard to comprehend for parents whose expectation is to outlive their children. When they die before you, you not only lose them, but all the hopes and dreams you held for them.
How can counselling help?
If you have a serious illness or are supporting someone who has one, it can help to talk through your thoughts and feelings with someone who is separate from the rest of your world. You can tell your story as many times as you need, make sense of your situation, discuss your fears and worries, work through your trauma, and develop coping strategies, without having to worry about protecting my feelings!
If you are facing end of life you may wish to talk about unresolved aspects of your life or preparing for your death, which some people find easier to do with a counsellor rather than with a loved one.
You may wish to have counselling with another family member to enable you to have important conversations or discuss how to support your children.
If you have been bereaved, you can talk about the person who has died, your feelings and thoughts, and the impact the loss has had on your life. Counselling can help you to understand your emotions, to manage aspects of your grief that are making it difficult for you to function, to find ways to adapt to the changes you face, and to find a way forward.
Online Appointments
These take place using Zoom. It is important that you have somewhere you can talk without being overheard.
Get in touch
If you would like to talk to me, in confidence, about the possibility of counselling, to check whether I have availability, and to find out current fees, please contact me by phone or email.
Phone:0777 300 78 94
Email: contact@lisamasscounselling.co.uk
